Fun Time Friday Y2K September 30, 2016 13:29

Ugh. I almost forgot that I write a daily blog for Hotflush Recordings today, sorry. I'm a bit hungover. And scruffy. And tired. And gorgeous. Only, I was out at an exclusive clothing launch last night at Uniqlo on Oxford Street. Only, I was invited by my new best friend, Ivan Smagghe. Only, he was playing a back to back to back electro-clash set with Erol and he wasn't. He was playing some records of unknown genre with Nathan Gregory Wilkins. I got fucking hammered. Before drinking three bottles of free Prosecco in the shop, I'd had three pints in a Sam Smiths pub on Great Portland Street called The COCK. LOLoutLOUD. I'm laughing because it's called The Cock. Cock is another word for penis, which is a funny part of a man's body. MILFNUR.

Talking about cocks is a great segue into the main bulk of today's post. It's Fun Time Friday, ladies and gentlemen, so open up your mouths in preparation to laugh your faces inside and out! ROFLOFL. Here are some dance jokes...

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Knock knock.

Knock knock who?

Knock knock knock knock. I'm a 4/4 house beat. PMSL

< > An Englishman, an Irishman and an Indian fella walk into Panorama Bar. The Indian fella looks at the Irishman and says, "Paddy. Who let this cunt in? The Englishman turns around and goes, "Lads, my name is Jacob Lewis and I'm being paid by The Sun to write about Berghain in a really lame attempt at making the paper seem culturally relevant. I'm revealing how hard it is for some people to get in, even celebrities, about ten years after articles about how hard it is to get into Berghain became boring. I'm absolutely fucking depressed about having to dress like this and I wished I didn't have to embarrass myself for a living." LOLoutLOUD

< > What's the difference between Tonka and the rest of the dance music journalists? Loads. ROFLCOPPER

< > Everyone keeps banging on about saving Fabric. I've been saving fabric for years. My nan collects fabric and sews it...fucking hell. Sorry. I'm going to fuck off now because I'm bored.




SCB Radio - Episode 12 September 29, 2016 09:30

*fist bump*

Today's Hotflush Recordings post is dedicated to the memory of Max Ernst's lover.

If Max Ernst were alive today, I'm 10% sure he would have been a keen listener of Scuba's SCB Radio show.

- Why, Tonka?

- Well, SCB Radio is now on it's twelfth episode (episode 12).

- So?

- Max Ernst was once twelve years old. A chilling parallel...

If you choose to share this around your socials, use the hashtag: #SCBradio

Here's the tracklist:

1. Shlomo - Obsession
2. Artefakt - Mirage
3. Ryan James Ford - Erand Durk
4. Region - Borders (Basic Soul Unit Remix)
5. Uriah Klapter - Hashomer
6. Yotam Avni - Tikkun
7. Clouds - Ultras In Africa
8. Alpha 606 - 808 Trax (Anthony 'Shake' Shakir RMX)
9. PYUR - The Field
10. Hexagon Son - Opia
11. Hexagon Son - Blipworx
12. Trevino - Mosiac
13. Scuba - Bleach
14. DJ Spider - The Final Revolution
15. Ron Blanco - I Wait (Mall Grab Remix)


Newwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwws September 28, 2016 09:30

Donald Trump was on the American telly the other day having an argument with Hillary Clinton about who is the best person at being president. I'm not being funny, but America has already had a president called Donald, I think. They've NEVER had a president with a girl's name before. So, I reckon Hillary Clinton should be given a chance this time, it's only fair.

I wonder what kind of music Hillary Clinton likes. I bet she likes country and western music. They all do over there, don't they? Except for people in Detroit (they only like Detroit techno) and Chicago (they only like Chicago hou...Jesus fucking Christ, this might be the worst Wednesday news post I've ever produced. What am I doing with my life? I've lost sight of who Tonka is and what kind of writer he should be. This creation of mine has almost disappeared across the horizon. When did I drop off? When did I peak? Am I yet to hit my highest high, has my fall not yet been broken? At what point does Tonka end, and will anyone remember if I do? Ugh. I should have written about Sam Allardyce instead.

LOLoutLOUD. Anyone who listens to country and western music is fucking sad. No offence, Hillary! Donald Trump probably listens to one of them little fart machines on loop because his surname is Trump. Trump means to do a pump in England. What a stupid name. It's like being called, Kevin Bad-Eggs. No offence, Donald! ROFLOFL.

I'll be back tomorrow, gang! Don't forget to SUBSCRIBE and share these posts around the internet - this is all content that NEEDS to be seen by as MANY people as POSSIBLE.


Five Pounds September 27, 2016 09:30

I was going to start today's Hotflush blog post with a joke about them new plastic five pounds notes that you get out of the cash machines now. It's a wanking joke I wrote about Queen Elizabeth II, Winston Churchill and a wet wipe. I tend to do my wanking material on Ran$om Note, though, so look out for my five pounds note wanking joke on this Friday's Tonka's Week. It's a cracker AND it's the way I tell them.

I'm not going to do any filthy material on here today, boys and girls, I'm just going to plug my new favourite song. It's the LA-4A remix of Devil Inside by Sepultura, I mean, Sepalcure. Funnily enough, it's on the Hotflush Recordings label...the label I've been writing the daily blog for every single fucking day of the year 2016 (except weekends)! What a crazy world we live in *chuckles*

Have a listen to the song, and if you don't buy it now I'm going to crawl through your screen like that Japanese bird off of that horror film, cave your skull in with a lump hammer, skin you alive and then crawl back through your computer to the safety of my own dimension.


Master of the Universe September 26, 2016 09:30

On Friday last week, I claimed on here that the Greatest Moment in Dance was the time I published the contents of an email conversation I had with Ivan Smagghe on the Ran$om Note. That was, of course, a load of old fucking bollocks. The interview I did with Ivan Smagghe where I rail against industry name-droppers, unashamedly drop about six dozen industry names and brown-nose his discography cover-art, whilst absolutely fucking brilliant, wasn't the Greatest Moment in Dance by a long shot, was it? LOLoutLOUD.

I called it the Greatest Moment in Dance in order to promote the interview further. I'm that kind of writer, ladies and gentlemen. I'll never change. I'll never stop promoting myself and running an extremely low-level hustle because, let's face it, no fucker else wants to help me out. Fuck 'em all.

The Greatest Moment in Dance is, OBVIOUSLY, the moment when Professor Nutt invented ecstasy E tablets.


Greatest Moments in Dance - Number 1 September 23, 2016 14:01

I'm sweating here, ladies and gentlemen. There's sweat all over this envelope in my hand. There's sweat all over the fingers I'm about to use to tear open the envelope. There's sweat coming out of my eyes, my ears and my arsehole. I wonder what the Greatest Moment in Dance is. I really do wonder. Let's have a look...! This is embarrassing. The Greatest Moment in Dance is the time Ivan Smagghe got in touch to beg me for an interview! LOLoutLOUD. Crazy.

Have a look at the Ran$om Note today, on this link here, and you'll see our full email exchange. It's great. We talk about all manner of things; like hard house, Sundissential, Surgeon, Brummie accents and lovely, lovely drugs. I love drugs. They're great. Drugs is the 6th Greatest Moment in Dance.




Greatest Moments in Dance - Number 2 September 22, 2016 09:30

No big surprise here, ladies and gentlemen. No surprise to anyone who's been listening to the radio for the last eleven weeks. Scuba's SCB Radio show is not only better than anything Chris Moyles has ever done, it's also better than The Archers AND JK and Joel. It's better than Heart FM Club Classics with Mark Wright on a Saturday night and it shits all over Jarvis "Zzz" Cocker and Iggy "Snore" Pop on BBC Blah Music. SCB Radio isn't as good as Call Collymore on TalkSport, but that's not got any dance music in it, it's just talking.

- So is The Archers, Tonka.


The second Greatest Moment in Dance is this week's episode of SCB Radio; Episode 11. Who'd of thunk it?


1. Trevino - Desecrate
2. Marko Zenker - Isolated
3. Gunnar Haslam - Athabaskan Languages
4. Erosion Flow - Syvv
5. PYUR - A Tree
6. Nautiluss - Kodama
7. Locked Groove - Dawn
8. A001 - Anglo
9. Scuba - Volt
10. Simon Shreeve - System Living
11. Melody’s Enemy - Right Now (Dense & Pika Remix)
12. Infiniti - Skyway (Marcel Dettmann Remix)
13. Erdem Tunakan & Alpha Tracks - Maggie
14. Setaoc Mass - Lost Lakes
15. Surgeon - Atol (2014 Remaster)

GAWD BLESS #SCBradio AND SCUBA (who, incidentally, is launching fabric 90 at The Steelyard on 22 October 2016. All proceeds from the night and his CD release are going towards helping to fund the club’s upcoming appeal. Scuba is joined by our Hotflush chum, Recondite, and Fabric resident, Terry Francis. Tickets are available here.

Scuba’s fabric 90 launch party is happening in support of the #saveourculture campaign. For more info, fucking head to:


Greatest Moments in Dance - Number 3 September 21, 2016 09:30

Ooooh, number 3. We're SMACK BANG in the middle of this countdown to end all countdowns. Greatest Moments in Dance rumbles on, and today I'm very happy to posthumously award this digital bronze medal to Tony De Vit for his work on the very first Global Underground CD; Live In Tel Aviv.

Yes, the third Greatest Moment in Dance happened twenty years ago today (probably), when Global Underground started a mix series that everyone since, except for the lads at Bonkers, have aped. Before Global Underground, all the other dance mix series were a bit fucking wacky, artistically, from a conceptual point of view, aesthetically speaking (today's post is also my audition for a daily slot on The Quietus next year), except for the Ministry of Sound Annuals. Have a look at every mix series prior to Tel Aviv and tell me that the outfits behind them weren't all just up for having a laugh with the idea of a DJ mix album. Here's one example, I can't be bothered to trawl through Google Images all night. You know what I mean though, don't you?


Look at all them birds (sorry, The Quietus) dancing behind Allister Whitehead! And can you imagine someone like Ivan Smagghe or Perc dressing head-to-toe in tartan, putting their hair in cornrows and pouting for an album cover these days? Jeremy Healy looks ridiculous, but those were the days when a DJ was supposed to look a bit fucking mental. I genuinely miss those days in dance music. The days before Global Underground brought a bit of self-awareness and seriousness to the table with that sombre portrait of TdV staring back at us through his little plastic prison.

Maybe Global Underground making us realise that presenting dance music and clubbing in a light-hearted way wasn't that cool anymore ISN'T the third Greatest Moment in Dance? I'm a bit torn now, ladies and gentlemen. I love Tony De Vit, I wasn't THAT bothered with the rest of the Global Underground series, and I do love it when club culture is shown up for what it actually is; a right fucking laugh. Yeah, fuck it. Sorry Tony, I'm taking that bronze medal off your grave and chucking it at Jeremy Healy's yacht. If he doesn't catch it, John Galliano will.




Hotflush On Air #011: Trevino Guest Mix September 20, 2016 12:55

Welcome to the eleventh episode of Hotflush On Air. This week we are treated to a guest mix by a bonafide legend of the game Trevino (aka Marcus Intalex).

His new 4 track EP, 'Slide Away', dropped last week and, we think, shows off his strongest work to date. Plenty of it is showcased in this show alongside other heavy hitters from the likes of Peter Van Hoesen, Phase and Cassy. Enjoy x


01. Trevino - Bengali Bass
02. O/V/R - Metal Slipper
03. Roberto - The Grain Which Runs Deep
04. Phase - Behind The Sun (Re-Kon Dub)
05. Kamera - Consignia (Truncate Remix)
06. Peter Van Hioesan - Quadra
07. Sam Russo - Therapy (Mike Denhert Remix)
08. Yaleesa Hall X Malin - Second Carol
09. Peter Van Hoesen - P2Me
10. Volte- Face - You Bury Me
11. Inigo Kennedy - Requiem (Efdemin’s Journey To The Stars Mix)
12. Jeroen Search - Compressive Strength
13. Cassy - Move (Marcell Dettman Mix)
14. Kamera - Consignia (Yaleesa Hall Remix)
15. Trevino - Slide Away

Greatest Moments in Dance - Number 4 September 20, 2016 09:30


Everyone thinks that Surgeon is the most serious techno and ambient DJ in the world, but they're wrong. He's not a DJ anymore. Have a listen to his RA Exchange with Aaron Coultate and he talks about how he ditched his laptop ages ago and now only uses modular hardwa...hang on a minute. I just went on Resident Advisor to make sure I was spelling Aaron Coultate right and I saw that Scuba has mixed fabric 90! How come nobody here told me?!

Right, anyway, I'd better plug fabric 90 instead of reminiscing about the time Surgeon played a festive edit of my original techno classic, The Balls, to a ravenous crowd of unsuspecting bouncy Scousers on Boxing Day 2006, thereby earning him the number 4 slot on the 2016 Greatest Moments in Dance countdown.

Scuba is donating every penny from the sales of fabric 90 to the #SaveOurCulture campaign, which is there to raise money for Fabric's appeal against the bone-brained CONTENT REMOVED BY HOTFLUSH RECORDINGS LAWYERS at Islington Council, especially that wet-eyed cunt, RaphCONTENT REMOVED BY HOTFLUSH RECORDINGS LAWYERS.

Fabric Records will release fabric 90 on October 21st, 2016.

You can pre-order it from the fabric website here. It's only a tenner.



Greatest Moments in Dance - Number 5 September 19, 2016 12:59

I couldn't think of anything interesting to write about today, so I've concocted a ludicrous one-week countdown to what I think is the Greatest Moment In Dance. I don't know what number 1 is yet, I'll have a think over the next few days. Here's number 5, though...


Ronnie Wood wouldn't know a house beat if one of them landed on his head, messed that fucking stupid hairstyle up and bounced off into one of his fucking rubbish paintings, tearing a house beat-shaped hole in the middle of it. All Ronnie Wood is interested in is playing guitar on boring songs for boring bands like the The Rod Stewart Band and The Mick Jagger's Rolling Stones Band and pretending that he's cool, when we all know that he's just a massive fucking bellend with a kicked-in face.

Brandon Block was right to walk on stage during the Brits in the year 2000 and shout, "oi oi", when Ronnie Wood was droning on about who deserved a music prize, because that's what everyone in attendance and everyone sitting at home was thinking. My only gripe is that he didn't add the word, "saveloy", at the end. Shouting, "oi oi saveloy", during Ronnie Wood's speech would have been a much stronger statement of intent and would have wound up the cock-sucking, corporate, sausage-brained industry even more. The crowd would have loved it.

House is about breaking down barriers and one love. It's not about a multi-millionaire, pigeon-faced cunt chucking his drink all over a UK house legend for storming the stage when he's speaking. Ronnie Wood won that battle because he got a few bouncers to drag Brandon Block away, and he also chucked his drink all over him, but Brandon Block won the war. For house music. Nobody, apart from your dad, listens to Ronnie Wood's music anymore. Everyone listens to house.

Brandon Block at the Brits 2000 is the Number 5 Greatest Moment in Dance.



Yesterday Was Thursday September 16, 2016 12:33

I've got that Friday feeling today, ladies and gentlemen. I don't want to do any work. I certainly don't feel like writing a daily post. This week on Hotflush has been a fucking classic, so I feel like I can coast a bit today. I've posted a brilliant new dance track, The Balls, and made a bunch of boring, know-it-all zombies on Resident Advisor cry.

Fuck it. I've just put my feet up on the Hotflush HQ writing desk. Whoops! I've accidently knocked Scuba's favourite mug on the floor! He's going to be so cross when he finds out. I'm just going to pick up the pieces and glue them back together. Whoops! I've just fallen off the swivel chair, banged my head on the Hotflush HQ writing desk, somehow turned a somersault and somehow landed head first in the Hotflush linen basket! I'd better get this off my head and fix Scuba's mug. Whoops! In forcefully pulling the Hotflush linen basket off my head, it slipped out of my sweaty hands and I've inadvertently propelled it through the air and it's now landed on Trevino's head, who has just walked through the door to see how the sales are going on his new 12" vinyl EP, Slide Away. That Scuba's going to have my guts for garters, ladies and gentlemen! Right, I'm just going to coolly place Trevino's 12" on the Hotflush record player and, whoops! After pressing Play on the record player, I somehow tripped over my undone shoelaces whilst standing still, knocked the record player over, Slide Away has smashed into a dillion pieces and, oh dear, in trying to keep my balance, I hung onto Trevino's sleeve and have, by chance, pulled him out of the first floor window with me! We've both landed arse first in a massive pile of Berlin dog dirt.

I think I'd better go home, keep out of trouble and try and enjoy the weekend.




PS. Keep on listening to my brand new and original techno track, The Balls. It's brilliant.

SCB Radio - Episode 10 September 15, 2016 09:30

When I turned 10, my Nanny Doreen gave me a big, sloppy, definitely non-sexual kiss on the lips and said (in a rough as arseholes Black Country accent), "Double figures, eh, kidda? Yam shootin' up, aye ya, ya lickle shit? Ahh, bless ya. Here's Double Dragon II for the Nintendo Entertainment System. Your dad said you've clocked the first one."

I said, "Nan, fuck off," because we were a close family, "I wanted Street Fighter II, not Double Dragon II. Dad should know that I prefer one on one tournament beat 'em ups as opposed to scrolling beat 'em ups, the daft cunt." She gave me a MASSIVE clip around the ear and fucking hell, I'm dragging a made-up family story out in order to plug the latest episode from Scuba's EXCELLENT radio series, SCB Radio. Soz.

Besides, Street Fighter II wasn't even released on the NES, was it? What a silly story.

Have a listen to SCB Radio - Episode 10 and share it around all of your socials (#SCBradio). If you don't, I'll give you an aggressive, sexual kiss on the lips and a MASSIVE clip around the ear.


808 State - In Yer Face (Bicep Remix)
Shifted - Clairvoyance (Part II)
SRA - Phono:Matik
Mike Parker - Undulating Frequencies
Planetary Assault Systems - Tri Fn Trp
Tuff City Kids - NORDO
Alleged Witches - Dukun
Blawan - Hanging Out With The Birds
DJ Tennis - Convex
Duijn & Douglas - Bizar
Planetary Assault Systems - Behind The Eyes
Shifted - Untitled Workout
Yotam Avni - Makot
Mike Parker - Two Step Sweep Edit
Basic Channel - Q1.1/II


PS. Here's a video of me clocking Double Dragon II on the NES:

New News Is New News September 14, 2016 10:16

Hannah Wants and Boddika. Yawn.

I'm only bored of that story because 1) It was a non-story anyway, 2) I tried reading through the comments underneath the Resident Advisor article and the amount of BORES on there acting like they're the dance police made me want to go to beddy-byes because they were being so BORING, and 3) when I linked to my HILARIOUS satirical take on the whole affair it got downrated quicker than you can say, "The Balls is a hilarious take on what is actually a very boring news item."


Another thing that BORES me is that Great British Bazzz...zzz...zzz...

Goodbye, cruel world.


The Balls by Tonka September 13, 2016 09:30

YES. I'm back on the Hotflush video blog (vlog) today after about seventeen years off. I've been in the lab (kitchen) working on some brand new beats in Ableton 9 and I reckon you'll LOVE the results (if you like dark, loopy techno). It took me about three days to make, and the video took about fifteen minutes.

Have a look at the YouTube clip below and feed back on my socials if you like it. ONLY feed back if you like it. If you don't like it, I don't Wants to know. You can fuck off.



Blogging 69 September 12, 2016 11:17

Monday morning comes around quick, doesn't it? I've got fuck all prepared for today! Sorry. To be honest, I never have anything prepared on a Monday morning, I wing Monday mornings on here every single week. It's easy.

If you want to be a low-mid level blogger like Tonka on a mid-high level underground house and techno record label website like Hotflush Recordings, I'll show you how. Follow me...

First, you need a voice. We've all got one, right? WRONG. A lot of dunderheads who think they can write about dance music and start a blog about it FAIL because they have no writing voice worth listening to/reading. Mine is original and recognised throughout the (dance) world. It's a well-known fact that I was the first dance blogger to be outright sexist, foul-mouthed and nigh-on obsessed with talking about wanking whilst mixing in tales about my clubbing history, my predictions for clubbing's future, music and club night reviews and interviews with proper DJs and producers, and Jeremy Healy. The Weekly Review of Dance Music was fucking brilliant, and it marked me out as the one to watch in 2011.

It's late-2016 now and, if I'm honest with myself, I haven't really pushed on from the level I started at. Maybe I should have played the game a little more and not got into fights with people at Mixmag, VICE and Resident Advisor (when was the last time they featured anything by me in their Feed, eh?). In hindsight, I shouldn't have taken the piss out of Red Bull Music Academy. I shouldn't have written an anecdote about anal sex and mint choc chip ice cream one week before I was supposed to interview Kate Hutchinson from the Guardian for my short-lived, but highly respected PEER to PEER series. I can't describe the level of embarrassment I reached when I was forced to read back extracts from my anal sex/mint choc chip anecdote in an email from Kate, who had politely copied and pasted the reason why she wouldn't be letting me interview her anymore.

I could have been somebody by now. Coulda, woulda, shoulda. I'm a terrific writer, a really, really terrific writer. I know all the words, and my sentences are second to none. What have I done? Nobody is even going to read this. Upside down smiley face.

So, in summary then, start a blog, lick everyone in dance music's bum for a bit and get on the payroll at a serious website or magazine. DON'T BE ANOTHER TONKA.


Gotta Get Down On Friday September 09, 2016 11:40

(Yeah, Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ark)
Oo-ooh-ooh, hoo yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah

Seven a.m., waking up in the morning
Gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs
Gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal
Seein' everything, the time is goin'
Tickin' on and on, everybody's rushin'
Gotta get down to the bus stop
Gotta catch my bus, I see my friends (My friends)

Kickin' in the front seat
Sittin' in the back seat
Gotta make my mind up
Which seat can I take?

It's Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin' down on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend

Partyin', partyin' (Yeah)
Partyin', partyin' (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin' forward to the weekend

7:45, we're drivin' on the highway
Cruisin' so fast, I want time to fly
Fun, fun, think about fun
You know what it is
I got this, you got this
My friend is by my right, ay
I got this, you got this
Now you know it

Kickin' in the front seat
Sittin' in the back seat
Gotta make my mind up
Which seat can I take?

It's Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin' down on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend

Partyin', partyin' (Yeah)
Partyin', partyin' (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin' forward to the weekend

Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday
Today i-is Friday, Friday (Partyin')
We-we-we so excited
We so excited
We gonna have a ball today

Tomorrow is Saturday
And Sunday comes after ... wards
I don't want this weekend to end

R-B, Rebecca Black
So chillin' in the front seat (In the front seat)
In the back seat (In the back seat)
I'm drivin', cruisin' (Yeah, yeah)
Fast lanes, switchin' lanes
Wit' a car up on my side (Woo!)
(C'mon) Passin' by is a school bus in front of me
Makes tick tock, tick tock, wanna scream
Check my time, it's Friday, it's a weekend
We gonna have fun, c'mon, c'mon, y'all

It's Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin' down on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend

Partyin', partyin' (Yeah)
Partyin', partyin' (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin' forward to the weekend

It's Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin' down on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend

Partyin', partyin' (Yeah)
Partyin', partyin' (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin' forward to the weekend!!!!

So sang Rebecca Black on her 2011 song about Friday called Friday. I'm picking that happy song out today as an antidote to all of the sadness that's been filling up the dance music websites this week. Everyone's a bit down in the fucking mouth about you know what, Councillor Raphael Andrews is STILL crying and we're still in the middle of that bloody credit crunch!

Have a listen, watch the video and cheer the fuck up. It's Friday. COME ON! FUCKING COME ON!

Listening to A Tree by PYUR, the brand new Hotflush signee, delivers similar emotions. Look and listen:

A Tree is taken from the debut album by PYUR on Hotflush Recordings, and is about a tree.

Epoch Sinus, the debut album by PYUR, is released on 28 October 2016. Pre-order it here. NOW.



SCB Radio - Episode 9 September 08, 2016 09:30


A MESSAGE TO COUNCILLOR RAPHAEL ANDREWS: Dry your eyes, mate, stop crying and cheer yourself up a bit by listening to the latest SCB Radio show by Scuba, the last DJ to ever tear a new arsehole out of Fabric's Room One on a Sunday morning.


1. Garrett David – Octagon Blues
2. Cop Envy – BGFT
3. Snow Bone – Allstars
4. Conforce – Renewell
5. Nthng – Untitled
6. Kuedo – Floating Forest
7. Human A – Statuette
8. Blawan – Talatone
9. Mark Henning – Ink
10. Nicole Moudaber & Skin - Organic Love – (Scuba Remix)
11. Benjamin Brunn – Plastic
12. Benjamin Brunn – Developers Live
13. Terrence Dixon - Multiple Choice (Cosmin TRG Remix)
14. Sysex - Cr-Acid Trax 1
15. Trevino – Slide Away


Fabric September 07, 2016 13:21

The last time I felt optimistic about a result due to overwhelming mutual agreement on social media was the day everyone else - outside of London - voted Brexit, and the time before that was when David Cameron obliterated one of the Miliband brothers in the 2015 General Election after Russell Brand had said in one of his politivideos that he's joining everyone in voting Labour, and everyone on my timelines was giving it the big 'un about how brilliant one of the Miliband brothers was. Whoops.

Islington Council didn't listen to us all and they didn't give us back our Fabric. It's funny to think that I'm sat here in my kitchen; stark bollock naked save for a pair of pants, a pair of socks, a pair of jeans and a Sónar 2007 t-shirt as I write today's post, whilst that dead-eyed bunch of lizard-skinned, no-neck, plasticine people are all sat around in Islington, drinking tea and sucking off the few dozen senior officers from the Met Police who are still awake, their lazy, pounded-sore arseholes gaping wider than my smile when I'm on an ecstasy E tablet in Room One. Each marionette who voted to shut Fabric last night have literally taken it up the arse with no Vaseline, and if they tell you otherwise they are lying.

It sounds like Cllr Raphael Andrews could do with dropping a pill, actually. Apparently, this cunt was on the verge of tears last night as he BEGGED the committee to revoke the Fabric licence. LOLoutLOUD. Who's been aggressively inside this wet blanket?

Cllr Flora Williamson reckons that clocking down the BPMs in Fabric might have been a sensible policy change. LOLoutLOUD. Does she reckon that getting Wolf + Lamb in every week is going to stop people whopping a few pingers down them? All jokes aside, these people are a disgrace. Or are they just pressured by the shadowy powers that be? Fuck knows, to be honest - I'm just a bit tired and emotional. And reactionary. Watch. Read the next paragraph for more reaction.

There have been loads of stats put out in the last few days about the scale of deaths in police custody (LOADS) compared with those in nightclubs (a few), and there are now bits seeping out about the Museum of London wanting to chuck a big wad at building a new home in Smithfield Market. We can tut about this around our socials and share articles and sarcastic comments about Russian satellites buying a sterile London as much as we want, but there's fuck all money behind a Tweet or a Facebook share, so it's a MASSIVE waste of time. Sorry.

Petitions for this kind of thing are just bog roll to the people who make the decisions. Tweets and Facebook posts do fuck all but whip up a deluded optimism (and a sneering collection of cuntish content - like this post - when things don't go our way). What to do, then?

I don't know.


Hotflush Tuesday - Return to the Thunderdome aka #SaveFabric September 06, 2016 09:30

Has Hotflush Recordings ever put out a collection of rave tapes? If not, I think they should. Rave tapes were brilliant for hearing what your favourite DJ was playing in the pre-internet age. Irrelevant now, I suppose, what with us now being SMACK BANG in the middle of the internet age. We've got free access to loads of DJ mixes. Now that I really think about this, I don't actually reckon Hotflush should release any rave tapes. Fuck it.

I do wish that Hotflush would start using artwork like this a little more, though:

Anyway, I started out writing today's post for a reason. It was a convoluted way of saying that we don't need rave tapes anymore because of the amount of mixes and podcasts you can download and stream on your little computer in 2016 for free, which is a fucking boring premise for a blog post in itself, but if you add that done-to-death premise to one that won't be quite done enough until we get what we need; the saving of Fabric, then today's post actually turns into a really good post. Watch. I'm about to stick all of last weekend's Rinse FM #SaveFabric mixes underneath this bit. And one of them is by Ricky V!

Before I do that, there's just enough time for you to sign the #SaveFabric petition. If you don't, it might be YOUR fault that the zombies at Islington council turn Fabric into a luxury car park for luxury Russian oligarchs. Think about it.

Now smile. Here's some luxury mixes for you to stream, download, whatever:


Is 3D Banksy or is Banksy 3D? September 05, 2016 09:30

I'm not a massive (LOL) fan of Massive Attack OR Banksy, so I don't really give a fucking shit about this, but I'm still seeing articles about the possibility that 3D off of Massive Attack MIGHT be that boring graffiti artist that you're supposed to like if you're wanting to be seen as anti-establishment and cool, Banksy. Let's add to the content swamp...

Is 3D Banksy or is Banksy 3D?


I get Banksy, but I think he's fucking shit. Unfinished Sympathy is the only Massive Attack song I know, and that's a good one, so if I judge them on that one song, I reckon Massive Attack must be a good band who wouldn't have a singer in it who does shit, populist, corpo-anti-corpo graffiti.

Is 3D Banksy or is Banksy 3D?


3D hasn't come out and denied any of the allegations (or has he? I've not Googled or read that far ahead), but why would he (if he hasn't)? If I was being accused of being Banksy (which I have been), I'd play it cool and all (which I did). Unfortunately, I was only accused of being Banksy by the Ran$om Note website, not by one of the trendier ones like FACT or NME, so that rumour never had any traction to it.

Is 3D Banksy or is Banksy 3D?


None. 3D might be Banksy, but he might not be. Who knows, eh? It's certainly got everyone talking about Banksy and Massive Attack, though, and that can only be a good thing, if you like 3D and Massive Attack.

I was going to start today's post by making a joke along the lines of, "Banksy ISN'T 3D because all of Banksy's stuff is 2D stencils! LOLoutLOUD", but that'd be a fucking terrible way of opening the beginning of a new week, and it'd be inaccurate because I think he does sculptures, too, which are always created in 3D.

Well, that was yet another pointless and disposable post by me on this webs...ooh, hang on a minute. Banksy has just emailed me to say that he's a "big fan" of the Hotflush daily blog, Tonka's Week and the old Weekly Review of Dance Music, bless him. He said that my work is "interesting" to him because I "subvert the mainstream dance press, regularly use a mailed fist to fight the big corporations", and I "work behind an anonymous, single-name pseudonym", which he thinks is "really cool". He also thinks that the artwork I create using Microsoft Paint, Google Images and Snipping Tool is a "welcome and fresh approach to working digitally". His words, not mine. Banksy has also attached a jpeg with the title, 4 Tonka 16. Let's have a look...

Bless him. I'm touched. Whoever he is, I've now changed my mind about him. He seems like a lovely young man who deserves every success.


I'm Not Going To Kill Myself (Today) September 02, 2016 13:23


After yesterday's promise to turn myself into a corpse if everyone who read that post didn't share Scuba's latest SCB Radio show (Episode 8 - and they didn't all share), I've decided against taking the final solution against myself for the sake of my family. Sorry, everybody else, but I won't be caving my own skull in with a lump hammer today. I changed my mind...proves I have one.

To celebrate, I've picked out the song I usually stick on after I've bottled out of a suicide; Celebration by Kool & The Gang.

Take it away, Kool...



Ps. Have a read of today's Tonka's Week on Ran$om Note. The sub-editor there has kindly blanked out the words, COCK, MOUTH, KNOB and GOB so as not to offend any readers who may be sensitive to the words, COCK, MOUTH, KNOB and GOB.


SCB Radio - Episode 8 September 01, 2016 09:30

*tap-tap* I'm still here. I'm still writing every single fucking day (Except Saturdays and Sundays). I'm sure I'm the hardest working blogger in the dance world. I don't get any fucking credit these days, but you'll miss me when I'm gone. And I will be gone ONLY if everyone who reads this listens to Episode 8 of Scuba's SCB Radio show.

That's right, if everyone who reads THIS POST THAT YOU'RE READING NOW shares the below Soundcloud episode on their social media, I will commit suicide LIVE on the Hotflush Recordings daily blog tomorrow afternoon.

See below:

Remember, for the chance to see me killing myself LIVE on this website tomorrow afternoon, share Episode 8 of SCB Radio with the hashtags #SCBradio and #TonkaShouldDie


NEWS Y2K August 31, 2016 12:43

New dance news is hard to come by. Anyone with more than two eyes and an internet connection can tell you that more than 98% of dance news outlets all peddle the same badly written shit they get emailed over by the same bored, young PR bots who think they're proper industry players; industry players like me. The other 2% of dance news is by me and everyone on the Ran$om Note website. That's your lot. I'm not saying you should trust Hotflush Recordings and Ran$om Note over the rest of the internet, but have you seen the boss-eyed, self-righteous, know-it-all drongos who comment on RA feeds like this?

The state of dance music journalism at the moment is a fucking disgrace. The internet has ruined it. You can't just read an article anymore; you've got to comment undern...fuck me, sorry. This is boring and atrocious. Everyone knows that dance music journalism is now a swamp.

I literally couldn't give a fuck about anything or anybody in dance music (except for Scuba and Hotflush Recordings), so I don't really know why I carry on writing about it.

In other dance news,



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