I Saw Tonka Interviewing Trevino Underneath The Mistletoe December 02, 2016 09:30

Deck them halls with loads of holly and get that fucking mistletoe out, lads...it's DECEMBER, and in DECEMBER you've got CHRISTMAS, and on CHRISTMAS you've got SANTA who brings loads of presents to all the good little boys and girls. If you've been naughty, you can forget about it. You're fucked.

I've been well good this year, so I'm buzzing for when Santa climbs down my chimney and brings me my new Lego Ninjago set, Micronoids robots, six grams of Charlie chalk and that Scooby Doo: Wrestlemania Mystery DVD.

The other day, I had a really festive idea; a weekly interview series with a different DJ each week where we ONLY talk about Christmas. I'm sick of hearing about which clubs the DJs prefer playing in, and who their biggest influences are, and who they really rate at the moment, aren't you?

Let's get Christmas started with a lovely little interview with a warm-hearted, jolly old man: Marcus Intalex aka Trevino. We met up in the grotto at the glorious Charter Walk shopping centre and talked loads about Christmas.

Look:

Q. Where will you be on Christmas Day, and who with?
A. This year just with me mar back in Burnley; the centre of the universe, or Babylon to the locals.

Q. What is your Christmas Day routine?
A. Get up around 10am, have a lil breakfast, go visit me gran, come home, open the presents, help with dinner, eat way too much, slouch for a few hours then usually go and see some friends for a couple of drinks.


Q. What was your Christmas Day routine when you were a kid?
A. The same, but with better presents and no drinks.

Q. The best present I ever had as a kid was the Super Nintendo in 1992. What was the best Christmas present YOU ever had as a kid?
A. Err. I cant remember, but the best (worst) Christmas present I ever gave was to an old girlfriend after we had been together for four years. She was expecting an engagement ring, but what she got truly destroyed our relationship.

As she had just got her first car, some crappy old Ford Fiesta, I noticed that it didn't have a parcel shelf, so practical Marcus went out and bought her one. It came in a huge box, so I wrapped it up in about £20 worth of wrapping paper and thought nothing of it. Little did I know she was super convinced that inside this massive box there was going to be a series of smaller boxes with, finally, a tiny box with a ring inside it. She was so excited that I could see it on her face. "Marcus is a sly old dog, look at all this trouble he has gone to to pretend he hasn’t got me a ring...how romantic.”

OOOOPS...no, me dear, it's just a parcel help for your crappy Fiesta, hope you like it…! Suffice to say the relationship didn’t make it to the end of January.


Q. What is your favourite Christmas song?
A. I'd say White Christmas...I'm a sucker for Christmas nostalgia and those old black and white movies when everything seemed so innocent. They tend to add a bit of romance and feel-good factor in to the air, up until news comes on that is, then it's bad news all the way.

Q. Has there ever been a drum and bass Christmas song?
A. I don't recollect, but I know Metalheadz do a roaring trade in Christmas jumpers, which is almost as corny.


Q. What do you want for Christmas this year?
A. Just some new ears that don’t permanently ring...

What a lovely young man! I've got a sneaky little feeling that Santa may just pop a couple of brand new ears into the stocking at the end of Trevino's bed this year...my sources tell me that he's been a very good boy. And what a DJ (and producer)!

Join me next Friday where I'll be interviewing Ricar...no, I'll keep it a secret. Find out next week ONLY on the Hotflush blog by Tonka. Etc.

Trevino's Slide Away EP is out now on Hotflush Recordings.
Buy it from this link here.

HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND

Tx


SCB Radio - Episode 21 December 01, 2016 09:30

This week, I present to you, Episode 21 of SCB Radio by Scuba. It's fucking brilliant, everybody.

Ch-check it out.

Please, please, please ch-check it out.

Please.

#SCBradio is the hashtag to use when you're sharing this about your socials.


Tracklist:

1. Motionen - Aero
2. Horos - The Purpose
3. DJ Spank Spank - Computer Acid feat. Maestrosis
4. Andre Crom - Circuit
5. Kloves - Oscil
6. Mathew Jonson & Sebastian Mullaert - Pollen 4 Life (Dub Mix)
7. Barker Baumecker - Turnhalle
8. Barker Baumecker - Static
9. U - Friendly Ghost
10. Modes - M52
11. Jeff Derringer - Human Moments in WWIII (Giorgio Gigli Version)
12. Reeko - Dead Animal
13. Antigone - Static

Tx


The Eric Bristow Special November 30, 2016 09:30

Might be a loony, but Eric Bristow got SACKED by Sky Sports yesterday for simply saying what all of uCONTENT REMOVED BY HOTFLUSH RECORDINGS LAWYERS.

I mean, let's be honest, all the Crafty Cockney did in those Tweets was echo the sentiCONTENT REMOVED BY HOTFLUSH RECORDINGS LAWYERS.

If anybody touched me up as a kiCONTENT REMOVED BY HOTFLUSH RECORDINGS LAWYERS.

(Please stop. It's not funny, and I honestly don't know what your point is - ed)

What else has been in the newss eh?

Kate Buszzz...zzz...zzz...zzz...

Aphex Twin is headlizzz...zzz...zzz...zzz...zzz...

Sónar announces Nicolas Jaaaaaaaaaazzz...zzz...zzz...zzz...

That PYUR album is still out in the shops. That's not boring news, is it? Let's end on an advert for that and the news that on Friday, I'm launching a brand new, weekly interview series on Hotflush for the run-up to Christmas. Every Friday until Chrimbo, I'll be interviewing a famous DJ about Christmas. This Friday, I'm dressing up as Santa and having Marcus Intalex on my knee. Expect hundreds of double-entendres. Sacks and boxes and stuff. That kind of thing.

Buy Epoch Sinus by PYUR by clicking on this link here.

Tx

Ps. Did I title today's blog as a cynical, last-ditch, and certainly futile way of drawing attention to myself, and this moribund daily blog, or do I genuinely find humour in what he said? OR was it the crude, haphazard and wooden-headed way that he delivered it that made me chuckle, if in fact, it did make me chuckle? Maybe I really am foaming at the mouth by what a drunk, 59-year old, un-educated, working-class darts player from the 1980s said online aboCONTENT REMOVED BY HOTFLUSH RECORDINGS.

Sigh.


Hotflush Classic Tonka Mini November 29, 2016 09:30

If you think I'm bothering with putting any more effort into writing this blog for the next month, you've got another thing coming, lads.

- Why, Tonka?

- Well, I went to the Argos in Beckton last night to collect a Nintendo Classic Mini.

- Beckton? You famously commute to Berlin every day from Northolt, don't you, Tonka?

- I do, mate, yes, but yesterday afternoon I had to fly back to Northolt via Beckton on the DLR, alighting at Canning Town. I had to get to a retail park in Beckton for that console.

- So, you flew business class to a retail park in Beckton for a Nintendo Classic Mini? Tonks, are you a bit fucking simple?

- I am, mate, yes.

- I thought they were all sold out, to be honest, Tonka.

- They are if you're not a sad cunt who spends all afternoon refreshing Argos stock locator web pages until one becomes available in a shit-hole area of London you would never, ever go anywhere near in a million years except to pick up a Nintendo Classic Mini.

Yes, I was up all last night playing with my new Nintendo Classic Mini. It's WAY better than dance music, so I'm just going to write about my brand new Nintendo Classic Mini today. It's got thirty games pre-loaded, including Super Mario 1, Super Mario 2, Super Mario 3, Super Mario 4, Super Mario 5, Super Mario 6, Super Mario 7, Metroid, Donkey Kong, Super Mario 8, Super Mario 9, Super Mario 10, Super Mario 11, Punch Out, Legend of Zelda 1, Legend of Zelda 2, Super Mario 12, Super Mario 13, Legend of Zelda 3, Castlevania, Double Dragon 1, Double Dragon 2, Double Dragon 3, Double Dragon 4, Super Mario 14, Super Mario 15, Super Mario 16, Super Mario 17, Super Mario 18, Super Mario 19, Super Mario 20, Super Mario 21, Super Mario 22, Super Mario 23, Ice Climber, Mega Man 1, Mega Man 2, Mega Man 3, Mega Man 4, Legend of Zelda 4, Legend of Zelda 5, Galaga, Dr. Mario, Fester's Quest, Rygar and Grand Theft Auto 8 in glorious 4k VR and Dolby Surround Sound!

Hang on a minute, I've just double-checked the list on the side of this box and Rygar ISN'T included! It was the best fucking game on the NES by a mile! I used to play it with my sister when I was a, oh fuck it. This post is getting boring now.


I'm going to have one last wank over the bird in Zelda, clock Ninja Gaiden again and go to bed. Only, I've been up all night playing on my new Nintendo Classic Mini and I need some sleep so I can play with my Nintendo Classic Mini again tonight.

GAME OVER

1UP

STILL GAME OVER

Tx


Trevino - Slide Away November 28, 2016 09:30

Have you bought the Slide Away EP by Trevino yet? I have. I bought it last night from THIS LINK HERE and I'm listening to it right now, as I type this, live as it happens, today. NOW.

Here's my unbiased review of it:


Slide Away
 is not, unfortunately, a remix of that Oasis song, but it has got some really nice shuffling shuffle shakes behind the beat, a bassline that only comes in every few beats and an occasional piano noise with echoes and reverb towards the end. It's a nice track, to be honest. It's nothing like the stuff he does when he's thinking about drum and bass.


Mosaic
kicks off a bit faster than Slide Away, I think, but I think the bassline that comes in after about a minute is the same as the one on Slide Away. No, sorry, that's not the bassline, it's another instrument. Sorry. About one minute and fifty-seconds in, it all goes a bit weird, the proper bassline sounds really funny for a bit and then stops abruptly and goes back to normal. It never really goes that bananas again throughout the rest of the song. Trevino shows enormous restraint in that respect, because I could well imagine someone like DJ Jean letting the frequency and resonance filters go round and round like a fucking roundabout as the track plays out to a ridiculous conclusion.


Desecrate
is one of those classic Berghain tracks. I've never been to Berghain, but I bet this is one of them tracks that is part of the classic Berghain sound. I can well imagine DJ Jean playing this in one of the famous Berghain dark rooms to an orgy of gay fellas having aggressive, and extremely consensual sexual intercourse, but knowing DJ Jean, he'd layer a load of spaceship blast off countdown acapellas and fake horn samples over the top of it, bless him.


Jungle Love
is not, unfortunately, a remix of that Morris Day & The Time song, but it has got a really nice, soft open hi-hat on the off-beat. On two minutes and fifty-eight seconds, Thomas the Tank Engine's fog horn starts coming in every now and again, which is fucking funny when you first hear it. I'd love to be in a club, on my second or third pill, dancing to a bit of techno with Thomas the Tank Engine's fog horn blasting through my skull every twenty seconds. Trevino should have called this one, Sodor Love, not Jungle Love. Know what I mean?

Trevino - Slide Away EP
10/10

Buy Slide Away HERE

I enjoyed that. I'd forgotten how good I am at reviewing dance music. I should do it more often, because I'm better than everyone at RA at doing this.

Some people* call me the Matt Le Tissier of dance music writing.

Tx

*me


Blog XXX November 25, 2016 13:47

A mate of mine used to go out with Theresa May, and he said that she used to love penetration by any object associated with violence whilst having four fingers shoved up her jacksy.

I know this has got fuck all to do with dance music or Hotflush Recordings, but I like to point out hypocrisy when I see it. Know what I mean? She's now telling everyone in England that they can't watch scud with stuff in it that she LOVES doing. I don't know, it's a crazy year we're living in, isn't it?

Speaking of crazy, edghukweghwKLEJFGBWUGQIFHNQWEIUHFEHILkjghsrijhgpwiorgverlvgpoernigvrnvg;rmvsnioghlerinvgjsnfvhgiwgh

Speaking of crazy, have you seen that the 2017 Dead Celebrity Hunks and Babes of 2016 Calendar has had it's price SLASHED by 50% in the Black Friday Sales? You'd be MAD to miss out and CLINICALLY INSANE to believe that you don't need to spend a tenner on what is a fantastic bit of date identification kit.

Why not start your weekend by contacting me on tonkawrdm@gmail.com, or on Facebook and Twitter, and requesting one of these calendars? Please. I've got Christmas to pay for and I'm severely depressed. Please.

HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND.

Tx


SCB Radio - Episode 20 November 24, 2016 09:30

Le post d'aujourd'hui a été spécialement traduit par Google Translate. Seuls les Français, les gens qui peuvent lire le français ou l'anglais qui ont été baisés pour copier et coller tout cela dans Google Translate saura cela. Quoi qu'il en soit, je suis un gagnant.

- Pourquoi, Tonka?

- Eh bien, les sabots intelligents, le savent tous les cunts qui veulent me trip up en soulignant toutes les erreurs grammaticales français que j'ai fait peut FUCK OFF, parce que c'est parfaitement bon anglais que Google ont traduit, pas moi, et si Personne ne peut être baisé pour exécuter ce post par le truc Google Translate, alors je ressemble à un écrivain de danse polyvalent, multi-linguistique, dont le semblable n'a jamais été vu auparavant.

Je suis Tonka. C'est mon blog quotidien de Hotflush Recordings.

Écoutez l'émission de radio sur le thème de Scuba, SCB Radio - Episode 20. C'est magnifique et très, très français, comme ce billet.

Si vous n'écoutez qu'une de ces pistes, assurez-vous que c'est le Petter B. C'est putain immense. Le genre de piste que je peux bien imaginer se perdre à l'intérieur de mon propre esprit sur la piste de danse après deux ou trois ecstasy E comprimés.

Liste des chansons:

1. Man Power - Boys Beware (Pale Blue Drum-A-Pella Remix)
2. Agoria - Loop AK1
3. Malin Genie - Magus
4. Pepe Bradock - Mujeres Nerviosas
5. Kilner_tamtara - Blawan
6. Petter B - Global Edit
7. Ténèbre - Grid Expansion
8. The Hacker - Clear
9. Mark Broom - Stolen Moments 2
10. Laurent Garnier - Crispy Bacon
11. Rrose - Arc Unknown
12. Marcelus - Steel Drums (Take 2)
13. Session Restore - Speak Out
14. Antigone - Static
15. Daft Punk - Rollin' & Scratchin'

Tx


Hotflush On Air #013: Or:la Guest Mix November 23, 2016 11:05

Welcome to the 13th Episode of Hotflush On Air. This month we are very excited to bring you riveting journey through house and techno from one of the freshest members of our roster Or:la. Originally from across the Irish Sea, now living in Liverpool where she runs the infamous club night called Meine Nacht, her debut release 'UK Lonely' came out on Hotflush last week, which you can buy here.

Tracklist:

01. Tornado Wallace - Kakadu 
02. Viers - Party People
03. Chaos in the CBD - Background Explorer
04. Drexciya - Bang Bang 
05. Abacus - Blax Thanx
06. Tambien & Tiago - Untitled (B) 
07. Michael E - Teenage Hammer 
08. Randomer - Rendell Pips 
09. Kassem Mosse - Molecular Memories 
10. Paranoid London - Lovin U 
11. Matt John - The Rising Scope 
12. No Smoke - Koro Koro 
13. Kerri Chandler - Grass Cutter (Kaoz Afro Drum)
14. Or:la - Limbosoup

 


ENTER A DJ NAME. ENTER A LIVE ACT. November 23, 2016 09:30

"ENTER A DJ NAME."

What?

"ENTER A LIVE ACT."

"Alright, mate. Do you want to calm down?"

Yes, it's that time of year again, unfortunately, when we're asked to judge the hard-working artists and DJs on their ability to set the soundtrack to OUR night out every week. It's the Resident Advisor poll, everybody! Fucking come on!!!! LOLoutLOUD. Do you remember last year when Scuba promiCONTENT REMOVED BY HOTFLUSH RECORDINGS LAWYERS

I looked at the RA poll and thought about who my favourite DJs and live acts were last night when I was in the bathroom. I was in the bog doing a really messy, nasty, horrible poo when I started to vote for them all. It took fucking ages for it to start coming out, ladies and gentlemen, and I thought I was all bunged up for a bit, but I kept pushing my tummy in and groaning really loudly, and then, after about four minutes of straining and groaning, I finally started to shit, and it was like diarrhoea when it all splattered out of my pert, sexy arse and into the gong. Honestly. It was rancid. And it fucking ronked. You could almost taste the smell, know what I mean? It was like iron, gone off beef and bad eggs, and I could hardly fucking breathe. I was on there for a good ten minutes after that, boys and girls. Shit splattered out of my arse like there was no tomorrow or like there was limit to the amount of shit that could be splattered out of one person's arse, and "splattered" really is the only word I can use to describe what was going on down there. It was an uncontrolled stream of faeces, and it fucking splattered out of me.

I let out an enormous gasp of relief when the last few pellets plopped into the murky, yellowy-brown water. I thought my ordeal was over when I stood up to wipe my arse, but I noticed that I'd pebble-dashed the pan for the first time since I was about eighteen, and I made the mistake of opening my mouth to laugh. The smell caught my breath. I immediately heaved and started to throw up. I fell to my knees in a dramatic fashion and clung onto the toilet seat, still warm from the warmth of my arse, and blew thick, red and orange chunks of vomit across the already shit-stained porcelain. It made my eyes water, I'll be honest. I was being sick, non-stop, for about a minute, with my trousers around my ankles and my arse in desperate need of a wipe.

As my stomach settled and the last traces of matter got ejected out of my trap, all I could think about was this bloody RA poll. Who should I vote for? Why should I vote for them? Who deserved it the most? These questions raced around my head as I licked saliva from my lips and lifted my head out of the khazi, still dribbling a bit from both ends (the force of the sick turned on the diarrhoea again).

I wiped my arse, had a power piss to wash all the stuck turd and bits of sweetcorn into the water, flushed, waited two minutes and flushed again, went downstairs, drank a pint of water, gargled it for a bit, spat it into the kitchen sink, ate a banana, and changed my number 1 vote from Bleaching Agent to Scuba.

Tx


Club Fabric Scores A Goal! November 22, 2016 09:30

Fabric is re-opening soon. Everyone is going bananas about it on my socials. I've not read up on the whole situation properly, because the ins and outs are a bit fucking boring, but it's good news, isn't it? In a year of doom, gloom and Dead Celebrities, to open up Resident Advisor last night and to read about Fabric re-opening was a very heartwarming thing. A beautiful thing, actually. What gets on my nerves is...fuck it. No. I can't be fucked. Can't be arsed. Nothing. It doesn't matter. No. It doesn't matter. Let's just change the fucking subject, can we? How's the weather in Shitville? Still raining? No, I'm not going to talk about Fabric re-opening anymore or how I'm definitely going to start going again because that's what EVERYONE fucking ELSE is saying. Of course I'm fucking glad it's re-opening, but I'm not going to make a massive song and dance about it on Facebook and go all earnest about it because it'll make me look like a fucking lemon and there are enough lemons clogging up my feeds with stuff like, "We did it! We saved Fabric. We're fucking brilliant, us!". I AM fucking glad, of course I fucking am. No, I am. Just fucking calm down though, eh? Loads of people will get their jobs back, so of course I'm fucking happy. I just don't want to go on social media and bang on about how happy I am because it doesn't fit my brand. Sorry.

Here's a picture of #JezWeCan in the famous Room 1 dance hall last night:

Oh, God. Sorry. I've done a Mitch. Sorry.

Sorry.

Tx


Writer's Block 2 November 21, 2016 09:30

I've got writer's block, ladies and gentlemen. Srsly (seriously). I'm sat here alone, holed up in the Hotflush office in Berlin at ten o'clock at night, pulling a late one, with nothing but an old German cleaning lady for company. I don't know the German for, "fancy some rough as fuck, coked-up sex on my desk before you clean it, love?", so I'm stuck attempting another original dance music post on here in a mood, silently wondering why life has dragged me here.

Forty-nine consecutive weeks, I've been doing this. Sigh.

The small, wooden desk that Scuba issued instructions to be allocated to me in January sits besides a small, wooden-framed, single-glazed window that overlooks the old wall, and I'm distracted by gun shots above the heads of two lovers, kissing. The moon, now into its third quarter, is not as bright as it was last week, but I can see that they are holding one another tightly. Unbreakable, they squeeze and hide their faces, as if to shield one another from the truth that is their reality for what could be the precious, finite time they have together tonight. Actors in their own lives. Fierce protectors of the secrets they share. Fire-forged and enduring, as though nothing could fall.

The blithering idiots.

That reminds me of that Peter Bjorn And John song, Young Folks, off of their 2006 album, Writer's Block? Remember that song? I fucking loved it, and then I hated it because everyone played it to death and now I love it again because it's reminding me of when I was twenty-five.

Listen, it really is a corking pop song:


Everyone played that in 2006. Erol played it. Erol used to play it. And I definitely remember Erol playing it. What a fucking tune.

Right, as I've got writer's block, I'm not going to write a post today. Soz.

Tx


Whose Lines Are These Anyway? November 18, 2016 14:42

I've not written or prepared anything for today's post, ladies and gentlemen. I've not had the time, unfortunately. So, I'm going to free-style and see what comes out. No edits. No filter. Exciting, isn't it? Let's see what comes out of my head, like in Whose Line Is It Anyway?

Did you know that Hotflush sweaters are made from a hard wearing cotton blend, made in Europe, and hand screened in Berlin? You do now.

Did you know that each design is flex-printed using traceable inks, and ethically manufactured a couple of hours away from HQ? You do now.

Did you know that if you order ANY sweater from this link here, you get a free hat?

I'm doing a piece for VICE about men who group masturbate over photographs and film of Buster Merryfield. Get in touch with me if you are a man who joins other men to group masturbate of photographs and film of Buster Merryfield.

I'm doing a piece for THUMP about men who go to nightclubs and lie to beautiful women about how they know who the real Tonka is in order to snog them. Get in touch with me if you are a man who goes to nightclubs and lies to beautiful women about how they know who the real Tonka is in order to snog them.

Sigh. I think this is hands down the worst post I've produced for this website. what do YOU reckon? Get in touch if you think today's Hotflush Recordings post is the worst one ever produced by Tonka in the 48 consecutive weeks or so I've been doing this.

Fuck it. Here's a dance meme:

 

HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND

Tx


SCB Radio - Episode 19 November 17, 2016 09:30

Today's blah blah blah is all about blah blah blah.

Have you fucking HEARD this?


Tracklist
:

1. Sable Sheep - Rewinding The Ashes (The Junkies' Acid Fixx Remix)
2. Boxwork - Ghosts (Don Froth’s Drum Tool)
3. André Galluzzi - Submerge
4. DXC - Rang Dong
5. Cloud Boat - Man Of War (LA_4A Remix)
6. Museum - Ra (Original Mix)
7. Andre Crom - Claritas
8. Simian Mobile Disco - Laughing In The Face Of Block (Matrixxman's LSD Rework)
9. Geena - KG Voice
10. OCH - First Contact
11. Scuba - Protean
12. Reeko - Saturn Sequences (Original Mix)
13. Orphx - Blood In The Streets
14. Klaudia Gawlas - First Act
15. Isaac Reuben - sas1711

Tx


BACK IN FIVE MINUTES November 16, 2016 09:30

I'm just popping out to the shops. Do you want anything? No? Good, because I'm a bit strapped for cash. I've spent most of my money on these 2017 Dead Celebrity Hunks and Babes of 2016 Calendars, and I'm struggling to recuperate my outlay on them. I'm not a natural cunt, you see. If I was one of them Apprentice cunts, I'd have cleared the lot by now and be all over the re-up.

Contact me if you want to buy one. Please contact me.

Right. I'm going to put my shoes on and fuck off to the shops now. Hmm, I'd better put a coat on, too, ladies and gentlemen, its a bit nippy out. Crumbs! I nearly forgot my wallet! I need a new copy of that new Or:la EP, UK Lonely, because I've over-played the MP3s I bought on Monday, and they're all scratched and warped. It sounds like a fucking Pan Sonic EP now.


When I come back from the shops I'll be advertising the next Tonka's Pub Quiz. It's at Pepper's Ghost in Leyton on Wednesday 7 December, and it's a CHRISTMAS SPECIAL, where you can win a £50 bar tab, a £50 Phonica Records voucher and a signed photograph of Scuba. As I said, I'll plug that when I get back from the shops.

Poor me, poor me, pour me another bowl of beer and let me escape this fucked up fake reality so that I may be free from...err. Isn't dance music brilliant?!

See you tomorrow, gang! ;-0

Tx


Watch The Throne, I Done A Trump November 15, 2016 09:30

If you say, "I done a trump", really quickly, and if you have an existing speech impediment, it sounds exactly like you're saying, "Donald Trump." LOLoutLOUD. I made a near identical observation in last week's widely read Tonka's Week on the widely read Ran$om Note website. Have a look, I'm still chuckling at it, to be honest.

On Sunday night, I posted a picture of Donald Trump and Nigel Farage posing in front of the cover of Jay Z's and Kanye West's Watch The Throne album, with the caption, #Lads. It was on Facebook, and some people made the wrong assumption that I was endorsing fascism (an ideology that I haven't endorsed for years). One DJ called, I*an Sm**ghe, almost unfriended me for it in a massive huff, but I won him back to my way of thinking with a humorous related meme of Little & Large, or Cannon & Ball, I forget which, and a succession of "see if I care", laissez-faire comments of my own.

My point today is this: laughing at incredibly amusing pictures of Donald Trump and Nigel Farage may not be very mature, or the best way of dealing with a world gone hare-brained, but it is the only way that us left-wing, loony liberals know how to respond to any advance from the right. UKIP gain ground; do some funny memes. Labour get annihilated in the General Election; do some funny memes. Brexit happens; do some more funny memes. Donald Trump becomes the President of the USA USA USA USA; do loads of funny memes.

Why fight back properly when we can do some funny memes?

Although, I've just seen on the news that loads of people in America are now rioting and setting fire to cars, so I'm wrong again.

Anyway, a great philosopher once wrote; laugh, and the world laughs with you. Bernard Manning was always telling the black fellas in his audience that it was all just a joCONTENT REMOVED BY HOTFLUSH RECORDINGS LAWYERS

In hindsight, I should have posted the photo of Donald Trump and Nigel Farage posing in front of the cover of Jay Z's and Kanye West's Watch The Throne album, with the caption, "Anti-establishment", and left it there like Banksy would have done, all cool like and edgy. It would have definitely made me look more edgy, and edgily stand-offish, like an edgy political commentator. Like Stewart Lee.

Tx


UK Lonely by Or:la November 14, 2016 09:30

*fist bump*

Ugh.

Sigh.

Right. Today's post. What are we talking about? I remember now: Or:la has got some fucking brilliant new music released on THIS label, Hotflush Recordings, so she has. The UK Lonely EP by Or:la came out last Friday, but I was too wrapped up in my own psychological concavity over the weekend to even give the music on THIS label any thought, so I was. So, let's plug THIS label's music properly today.

UK Lonely is a 4-track EP by an artist new to Hotflush Recordings, Or:la. Is it any good? Have a listen to these...

YouTube clip of UK Lonely:


Soundcloud clip of Limbosoup:


YouTube clip of X & O:


Soundcloud clip of Jaipur:


Oops. Sorry, wrong one. Try this YouTube clip instead:


So, is it any good? Is UK Lonely by Or:la any good??

Of course it fucking is.

BUY THE UK LONELY EP BY OR:LA FROM THIS LINK HERE, AND IF YOU DON'T BUY IT, I'M GOING TO CRAWL THROUGH YOUR COMPUTER SCREEN, CAVE YOUR SKULL IN WITH A LUMP HAMMER, FEED YOUR CORPSE TO YOUR OWN DOG AND THEN SLITHER BACK TO MY OWN DIMENSION THROUGH YOUR BATHROOM MIRROR, LAUGHING.

As you're here, have a listen to her Bicep mix, and all. It's got 10% more congas in it than your average dance mix.


Tx


Fun Time Friday - Macho Madness November 11, 2016 14:51

Ooooooooooh yeah. Dig it?!

You know what? I was going to write a load of dance music-related jokes this afternoon to deliver you into (unto?) the weekend, but then I realised that I'm in a right stinker of a mood and can't summon up ANY hilarious material. So, instead of a load of jokes, here is a collection of obscenely graphic imagery of injuries, atrocities and absolute horror from World War II.

Enjoy...

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HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND

Tx


SCB Radio - Episode 18 November 10, 2016 09:36

I'm going to watch Stewart Lee tonight, ladies and gentlemen. He's on at the Leicester Square Theatre presenting a work in progress show called, Content Provider. I'm sure there'll be a lot of acerbic barbs aimed at Donald Trump and Brexit, but I bet there won't be any dead-pan content aimed at the underground techno scene, or online radio stations, or online radio shows like SCB Radio by Scuba.

I bet there won't.

Speaking of SCB Radio, have you heard the latest episode? I was talking to Frank Carson last night, in my dreams, and I asked him the same question. He laughed to himself and said, in a very Irish accent, "It's a cracker", but then he says that about everything, doesn't he?

There you are, you won't find any other dance music writer on the internet throwing around references to Frank Carson in relation to a weekly techno radio show. Stick with me. Please. Please stick with me.

Here's episode 18 of SCB Radio. Listen and share, and use the hashtag #SCBradio when you do to earn two extra lives (!).


Track list:

1. Boddika & Joy Orbison - More Moan
2. AC$ - Analog Bass
3. T.Wiltshire - #4
4. Or:La - Limbosoup
5. John Tejada & Arian Leviste - Switched Mode (Original Mix)
6. Rebekah - Relapse Paradigm
7. Liem & Eddie Ness - Formula Rossa
8. Geena - Blue Transfer
9. Roman Fluegel - Dead Idols (Original Mix)
10. DXC - Sau Sac
11. Klaudia Gawlas - Monophobia
12. Brassica - Time Tunnel (Roy Of The Ravers Remix)
13. Developer - Catch My Flow
14. Isaac Reuben - Echo Pulse
15. Ténèbre - Grid Expansion

Tx


The Hotflush Post USA Election Special November 09, 2016 09:21


Tx


Dance Blog 2001 November 08, 2016 09:30

I love writing about dance music. I think it's great. *chuckles*

I don't love listening to dance music so much anymore because, in my humble opinion, no dance music has been any good since Roger Sanchez did Another Chance in 2001 (except the entire Hotflush Recordings output since 2003). I say that, but then I have a listen to the Hotflush On Air guest mix by PYUR and I think to myself, "Aren't I red-faced? Dance music is still good. Even stuff that isn't on Hotflush Recordings."


Then I had a squizz around Soundcloud and came across (not like that, you dirty gets) Manni Dee's set from House of God the other week:


How hard is that? Fucking brilliant, isn't it, dance music?

After listening to those two mixes, I went out to the internet and bought a copy of this. It's the new #SaveFabric compilation on fabric, or Houndstooth, I get mixed up. One or the other. My favourite track is number 93, Sam & Jen by Smagghe & Cross, because I just think it embodies everything I adore about dance music in every second of it's running time. I've not listened to it yet, but you can just tell that it's the perfect dancefloor destroyer. The name, Sam & Jen, is, I can only guess, a nod and a wink to Samantha Fox and Jennifer Lopez; two of the best looking birds the world has ever seen, who, I'm told, loved dance music when they were alive.

BUY #SAVEFABRIC TODAY FROM THIS LINK HERE AND SAVE FABRIC


That was the best dance track and video from 2001 by the man with a really boring first name and a really exciting surname. Quality stuff.

Tomorrow on the Hotflush blog, I'll hopefully be grabbing an interview with whoever wins the USA USA USA USA general election tonight. Tune in, gang.

Tx


Hilarious Lookalikes 2009 November 07, 2016 10:13

Woah nelly! It's back, ladies and gentlemen, and ain't THAT the truth?! Yes, because I couldn't think of anything interesting or original to write today, I'm whacking a load of hilarious lookalikes on your computer screen to distract you from your mundane, dreary existence. You sad bunch of cunts. LOLoutLOUD

Look at these:

DJ Harvey is such an adventurer, isn't he? When he's not making up stories about being trapped in America for ten years in order to maximise the myth, or riding motorbikes around, and jumping on surfboards, and playing disco records all over the gaff (the world), and answering my MASSIVE QUESTIONS, he's also looking exactly like the bloke who played the trumpet in The Commitments! ROFLOFL
 
If you separately Google Image the names Daniel Avery and Thurston Moore, you get many thousands of results. However, if you Google Image, "Daniel Avery smiling" and "Thurston Moore smiling", your computer immediately shuts down, restarts and you are taken to the homepage of Resident Advisor, with MOJO open on another tab.

Also, Daniel Avery and Thurston Moore look a bit like one another if you lean back and squint. MILFNUR

Did the brilliant DJ and producer, Maurice Fulton, go back in time to 2008? Did he de-cool himself and create a FUCKING SHIT pop-rap group called the Rizzle Kicks with a Brighton Brit School kid or does he just look like the singer of a pair of ARSEHOLES who created the hip-hop sing-song group, the Rizzle Kicks?

You tell me! COPTERofLOL

I think I'm done now. See you tomorrow, guys.

Tx


Friday Plus Seven Minus One Week Equals Today November 04, 2016 15:36

Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday...!

I'm sure I've started a Friday on here with Rebecca Black before. Sorry. She's one of my things. I'm also sorry for not publishing today's post earlier - they're usually up around 09:30, aren't they? Sorry.

- Stop saying sorry, Tonka

- Sorry, I'll stop.

So, Friday, eh? Fucking hell. Before we know it, it'll be Monday and we'll have to go through this whole sorry, shit, sorry, this whole cycle of content again. I reckon that if I do this until the end of the year, I'll be the only dance writer in history to write every day (Monday to Friday) for every week of a calendar year. And people said DJ EZ was good for doing a 24 hour shift. No disrespect or offence to DJ EZ, but when he can spin discs for 52 weeks without stopping, I'll show him a little bit more respect. Know what I mean?

Today's Tonka's Week was good - it only took me about 40 minutes to write from scratch this morning. I recommend reading it whilst listening to that PYUR album, Epoch Sinus. It's a great LP for listening to whilst reading about my hugely successful pub quiz on Wednesday night where the winning team went away with record vouchers, a bar tab and a framed signed photo of Ricardo Villalobos. It's really great for that.

 Buy Epoch Sinus by PYUR by clicking on this link here.

HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND

Tx


SCB Radio - Episode 17 November 03, 2016 09:49

I don't know about you, but when I'm coming down from the incredible high of hosting a hugely successful pub quiz in Leyton, I like to wind down to an hour or so of incredible techno dance music on the internet.

SCB Radio - Episode 17 is the seventeenth episode of Scuba's hugely successful radio series, SCB Radio. It's an incredible tour de force of incredible dance music presented by the hugely successful (and incredible) DJ; Scuba.



This is where I usually put the track list, but as I'm still in the quiz mood I'd like to set YOU a question.

Q. What is the track list for SCB Radio - Episode 17

You'll have to use all of your investigative and computer skills to work this one out.

See you tomorrow, fuck faces, where I'll reveal the answer.

Tx


Hotflush Hotflush On Air #012: PYUR Guest Mix November 02, 2016 13:22

Welcome to the twelfth episode of Hotflush On Air. As this month’s guest we’re excited to introduce Berlin-based producer, visual artist and new Hotflush signing PYUR, who has delivered a lush and visceral hour of music.

Her head-turning debut album 'Epoch Sinus' was released on October 28th with each track accompanied by a video piece, translating her sonic messages into a visual body. Light, water, reflections and colours of nature all feature strongly in these distinctive visions.

Hope you enjoy. Full tracklist after the jump...

Tracklist:

01. Fis & PYUR - The Pact (unreleased)
02. PYUR - A Tree
03. Meta - Ambiente 2
04. wk-es - Monolith
05. E110 - vf8
06. Luigi Tozzi - Kracken
07. Antonio Giampietro - One vision
08. Call Super - Timora (Objekt Rework)
09. R.N.T.S. - Disconnect
10.Datura Dilema - I Am Landscape vs Machine (Tool)
11. Kuroi - TI 02
12. Raw M.T. Richard's Revenge
13. Oscar Mulero - Introducing Errors
14. Refracted / PYUR - Convolution 4 / A Tree - Mash up
15. Myler / Evigt Mörker - Blue Madams / Parusi - Mash up
16. Dasha Rush - 100 Hearts
17. Rob Thorne & Fis - Untitled (unreleased)

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