Going Out May 26, 2016 09:30

I'm going out tonight, everybody. If you're in London, come along to Last Days of Shoreditch at Red Market and buy me a drink/give me a sniff. I'll be the one wearing a pair of black Adidas Campus, a pair of jeans from Uniqlo, a white t-shirt underneath a light brown pullover from American Apparel, and I'll be stinking of Issey Miyake. I'll be the one surrounded by EVERYONE on the wood-chip dance floor, being drowned in an avalanche of applause as I groove my body and make shapes that haven't even been named yet.

It's the next new dance craze that will definitely be sweeping the nation after tonight. I call it Tonking. The only way I can describe what Tonking looks like is by asking you to close your eyes and imagine a supermodel elaborately holding a pint of red wine above her head with just her thumb and pinky. She's wearing a pink ballet costume and is swirling around the glass in an oval motion, almost letting the alcohol spill over, but always keeping it under control and in the glass.

Have a go at home, but at the moment you can only perform this dance move properly to the live sounds of the following DJs between the hours of 6pm and midnight tonight:

R$N All Stars (Helter Skelter & Bobby Pleasure)

Why not come along to Last Days of Shoreditch at Red Market tonight and do a bit of Tonking with me?