CHOCOLATE E-CLAIRS SWAMP THE GLOBAL CLUB SCENE June 01, 2016 14:17
THIS IS THE NEWS.
If, like me, you love doing drugs but hate the taste of them, you'll be glad to know that a new drug craze has been unearthed by the brave investigative journalists working at the Daily Mail. A very dear friend of mine ALERTED me to an article about clubbers in Berlin snorting line after line after spoon after spoon of chocolate powder in a sensational new way of getting fucked up on the Daily Mail website last night when I was trying to do some ironing.
I had a read of it, and of course it's all a massive load of bollocks. Who the fuck would go to a nightclub and choose to snort a CARAMAC when you can hoover up twelve or fifteen lines of gak? Or a few pingers. Even in the wankiest districts of Berlin, they're not that stupid.
Anyway, this story reminded me of the time I tried to introduce mint-flavoured ecstasy into the UK market on my award winning blog, the Weekly Review of Dance Music. That didn't work, and I ended up in hospital with a broken nose, a broken jaw, two broken eye sockets and one broken cheek bone after not being able to pay one of Shabs from Channel 4 Drugs Live's mates his deposit back on a three hundreder.
Now over to Ulrika with the weather...