#Cherryade April 27, 2016 09:18

Next week, I'll be releasing the first track on my brand new record label, Bangin' Trax. It's called #Cherryade, and it's a minimal hard house diss song about the time I dreamt that Jay Z had cheated on me with another man. It was a dream I really shouldn't have been having, what with Jigga and I being raging, married, heterosexual gangstas with women and kids right across the globe. And another thing: I'm not one to suffer from jealousy.

When I woke up from that dream and felt the warmth of Mrs. Tonka's breath on my back, I felt guilty for having those kinds of thoughts about Hova, sub-conscious or not. He's a deeply handsome man, though, I think, and I'm not ashamed to admit that I had to silently slink myself out of bed and run to the bog to get rid of the sledgehammer between my legs. Know what I mean?

After getting back in the sack, I went back to sleep and dreamt that I was having a lovely 2-in-a-bed romp with Beyoncé out of Destiny's Child whilst loads of middle-aged, white, male journalists sat around the bed and wrote about our SESSION like it was a genuinely significant cultural statement. That turned me on even more, but when I looked up over the back of Beyoncé's right thigh at the journalists, I was horrified to see that every white, male journalist who was scribbling a load of bollocks about us had the face of a laughing Jay Z! I woke up with a jolt and a scream and, whilst too embarrassed to tell the missus about my dreams, I did nudge her shoulder and ask her if she'd like a cup of tea.

#Cherryade is released on Bangin' Trax on Friday 6 May 2016.