Greatest Moments in Dance - Number 5 September 19, 2016 12:59

I couldn't think of anything interesting to write about today, so I've concocted a ludicrous one-week countdown to what I think is the Greatest Moment In Dance. I don't know what number 1 is yet, I'll have a think over the next few days. Here's number 5, though...


Ronnie Wood wouldn't know a house beat if one of them landed on his head, messed that fucking stupid hairstyle up and bounced off into one of his fucking rubbish paintings, tearing a house beat-shaped hole in the middle of it. All Ronnie Wood is interested in is playing guitar on boring songs for boring bands like the The Rod Stewart Band and The Mick Jagger's Rolling Stones Band and pretending that he's cool, when we all know that he's just a massive fucking bellend with a kicked-in face.

Brandon Block was right to walk on stage during the Brits in the year 2000 and shout, "oi oi", when Ronnie Wood was droning on about who deserved a music prize, because that's what everyone in attendance and everyone sitting at home was thinking. My only gripe is that he didn't add the word, "saveloy", at the end. Shouting, "oi oi saveloy", during Ronnie Wood's speech would have been a much stronger statement of intent and would have wound up the cock-sucking, corporate, sausage-brained industry even more. The crowd would have loved it.

House is about breaking down barriers and one love. It's not about a multi-millionaire, pigeon-faced cunt chucking his drink all over a UK house legend for storming the stage when he's speaking. Ronnie Wood won that battle because he got a few bouncers to drag Brandon Block away, and he also chucked his drink all over him, but Brandon Block won the war. For house music. Nobody, apart from your dad, listens to Ronnie Wood's music anymore. Everyone listens to house.

Brandon Block at the Brits 2000 is the Number 5 Greatest Moment in Dance.