Hotflush Bootleg Merchandise August 09, 2016 09:30

Remember when people used to enjoy what I did, as a writer? When I used to write, produce and perform the Weekly Review of Dance Music every week. When things were simple. When I used to flog dance merchandise that you couldn't get ANYWHERE else? Not even in Phonica Records. Do you remember?

Today, I'm bringing back WRDMerchandise on the Hotflush Recordings website. Have a look at these and contact me on tonkawrdm@gmail.com if you want to make a purchase...

Dance Tunnel Looting Protection Machete

According to boffins, the social conditions that set off the 2011 London riots are now WORSE. I didn't read the whole article, so I can't say why or how, but the headline made me pine for something to protect myself with in case everyone in Northolt starts kicking off and looting everyone else's houses. I've got a family, ladies and gentlemen. I need to send a message should any pikey fuck breaks into my bedroom at night.

So, in conjunction with the now defunct Dance Tunnel in Dalston I've created the Dance Tunnel Looting Protection Machete. Hack and slash in style with the Dance Tunnel Looting Protection Machete whilst remembering back when you used to boogie on down with a bunch of hairy-arsed old men in east London.

Dance Tunnel Looting Protection Machete - £8.99

Hotflush Guitar Picks

Rock along to the latest Hotflush Recordings tunes in style with the Hotflush Guitar Pick. Pretend to be Scuba or Paul Woolford and jam to one of their classic cuts or annoy the neighbours by turning your Cambridge Audio amp up to 11 and strumming the fuck out of your electric guitar with this little bit of plastic with the Scuba's face on the side. On other side is the Hotflush logo.

They come in different colours.

Hotflush Guitar Picks - £8.99 per pack of 10

I'm bored now, so this next item is the last one I'm getting out of my digital car boot today. I'll probably put some more dance merchandise on sale next week, because I feel like this has been a strong post. I'm getting my confidence back after the last couple of weeks of very poor content. Let's see what we've got...

WRDM 2013 Clubbing Gloves

Need I explain these? Yes. Throughout history, clubbers have been given only two choices when it comes to hand wear: white gloves or bare skin. I stopped wearing white gloves in nightclubs about six months after Michael Jackson died. I looked a bit fucking tasteless, ladies and gentlemen.

Whilst researching club wear for a WRDMerchandise post I was writing in 2013, I stumbled into Cyberdog in Camden. I soon realised that the only item of clothing that hasn't had a load of neon green piping stuck onto it is gloves. So, I jumped right in a patented these groovy fuckers. Imagine how many birds you'll pull wearing these in Club Fabric!

They're green rubber with green neon colouring, bearing the legend WRDM 2013 in a classic tattoo style. The WRDM 2013 Clubbing Gloves all feature the be-bearded face of Jesus, arrogantly looking out at MY flock.

WRDM 2013 Clubbing Gloves come in pairs, all sizes, and are even more satisfying than sinking your fingers into Kim Basinger's knickers - trust me.

WRDM 2013 Clubbing Gloves - £8.99 per pair

Come again.

Tx