THE OLYMPICS NEWS TODAY August 10, 2016 09:30

The Olympics have been good so far, haven't they, ladies and gentlemen? Have you been watching it? I've watched some of the ripped hunks diving, I've watched some of the tasty birds playing beach volleyball, I've watched a bloke smash his leg to pieces trying to jump over a toy wall, I'm currently watching England play Brazil in the hockey (it's 0-0 at the moment) and I've watched some fit Mexican birds beat a bunch of Georgian heffers in the archery. One of them was really fit and she kept getting 10s - it was great.

The funniest bit of the Olympics so far has been, by a fucking mile, the bit when that French wall jumper bost his leg up when he landed funny on the mat. The poor cunt ended up with two knees on one leg, bless him. LOLoutLOUD. He's now got more knees on his leg than Mo Farah has had hot dinners! Have a look, but be warned: SOME POPLE MAY FIND THIS FOOTAGE DISTURBING...

Fucking brilliant. I'm literally still laughing my face inside out.

TONKA'S TOP TIP: The best way to watch that video is on a seven minute loop with the Heartthrob remix of Oedipus Komplex by Plastikman on in the background. Why not give it a go? *chuckles*

Well, that was my Olympics round-up. Tomorrow, I'll be plugging Scuba's radio show (DOWNLOAD EPISODE 5 HERE) in a way that most online writers could only dream of. Have you seen how most online dance bloggers write compared to me - even on the proper websites? I am consistently fucking brilliant; like a Chinese trick diver.