Fun Time Friday III June 03, 2016 11:57

Yes, it's that time of the month again, lads. Don't worry, I'm not on the rag, I'm on, nothing that means having a laugh rhymes with 'rag'. Sorry. That joke fell flatter than a 12" vinyl record on a Technics 1210 platter that's being operated by Tony Humphries, or Moodyman, or Todd Terry, or something (that's a reference for the serious old house heads who are all congregating at Thunder down Dance Tunnel in Dalston tonight - Anthony Naples is on)! LOLoutLOUD

Right, here we go again. Get a doctor on standby because I'm about to rip your sides out of your sides with these zingers...!

< > An Englishman, an Irishman and a Pakistani walk into Panorama Bar. The Englishman says, he goes, "Paddy, I heard that in this place you can have sex with as many busty women as you've had CONTENT REMOVED BY HOTFLUSH LAWYERS. As soon as the Pakistani explained that the Englishman was more likely to get CONTENT REMOVED BY HOTFLUSH LAWYERS all over his back off of a bearded fella in a leather mask, a fist fight immediately breaks out and they are all forcibly ejected from the venue by that bouncer who thinks he's a fashion photographer. ROFLOFL

< > Can you imagine if a cool French DJ opened up a collection of up-market supermarkets in areas like Putney, Richmond, Muswell Hill, Solihull, Park Hall and Balham? Can you imagine if the man who invented Waitrose started playing dark-house, punk-step, minimal, techno, acid and rare skiffle records in and around Europe? Imagine all of that and then look at this picture of 'Mr Waitrose', Wallace Wyndham Waite, next to a picture of Black Strobe's Ivan Smagghe, who is playing with Erol Alkan and Tiga down XOYO for 12 Weeks, sorry, I mean, Tiga Non Stop. PMSLOL

< > Indulge me here, ladies and gentlemen, I've got some money I need to make to pay for all the clubbing I do! MILFNUR...

London is the capital city of style in the UK and the British Flag is the official flag of the English nation of the United Kingdom. If John Digweed was a soap star or singer, journalists who work at The Guardian would be brainwashing us all into calling him a national treasure. Thankfully, John Digweed is a DJ whose job it is is to play repetitive beats to youngsters on drugs. He may not look as cool as your Seth Troxlers and your Wolf + Lambs but he has the same hairstyle as Richie Hawtin and he's probably richer than all of them put together.

So, travel the tube in style...because nothing says underground like a bulldog and GREAT Britain's foremost progressive DJ staring arrogantly back at you whilst the Union Jack waves proudly behind them.

They're only twenty quid a pop! Get in touch...

< > I'm going to leave you with a joke now, ladies and gentlemen, that my Polish granddad told me before he died in 1995. It's an old joke about the Germans that, I'm sure you'll agree CONTENT REMOVED BY HOTFLUSH LAWYERS

I've got to go now. I've literally just been pulled off.