Hotflush Tuesday January 12, 2016 09:45

It was Nanny Kath's 90th birthday party at the weekend, ladies and gentlemen. I drove up to the Midlands on Saturday morning, arrived at her care home around midday and swung the whip around the car park, skidding flamboyantly - but perfectly - into the space marked, TONKA.

I kicked open the doors like Flashheart and got reminded of why 90th birthday parties can be so boring compared to a regular, Saturday night house and techno club; grey, silent old relatives moping around all over the communal living room. Unwrapped buffet food on the side. Nanny Kath, sat on her own on the sofa, left leg shaking harder than Ian Curtis with a strobe light strapped to his face. It was like a morgue.

I headed straight for the unplugged CD player in the corner to liven things up, plugged it in and had a root through the small stack of CDs on the side. Fuck all but Christian Christmas albums and Reload by Tom Jones. Deary me. I reached inside my Ralph Lauren overcoat and pulled out a copy of the recently released Claustrophobia (Remixes) CD by Scuba, which is available to buy here.

My Uncle Brian asked me to turn it off midway through Levitation (Tallmen 785 remix), but that is no reflection on what is an excellent collection of remixes. I put Reload on instead and everyone had a great time.

Happy birthday, Nanny Kath.

Love from your Tonka and all at Hotflush.