12 Weeks of Techno: Eyes and Ears on the Ground / Week 5 February 10, 2016 08:09

I'm praying that my future self invents a time machine and comes back to me before I finish writing this article tonight. After the initial surprise and, "whaaaaa?!?!?!" shrieks, I'll then be very happy if my future self in the present day whisks me off into the time machine we made to take us back in time to the previous weekend, so that we could both go to XOYO for Scuba's 5th Week of Techno, because if it's anything as CRAZY as @ttomdaly off of Twitter makes it out to be in the following interview we shared, I'm going to be kicking my ankles out until the end of time for not going in the time-phase it actually happened in.

How my future self and the present day me would metaphysically be able to be at the club at the same time is not something I've properly scoped out, and I don't know if we'd bump into the olden day me who would have been arriving at the club at the same time as today me and future me because blah blah fucking blah. Read this...

Q. What's your name and where do you come from?
A. My name's Tom and I come from up north; Bolton.

Q. What kind of clobber and aftershave did you put on for XOYO?
A. T-shirt, jeans and trainers. Only a casual club, isn't it?

Q. Did you pull?
A. Think I was a bit too gone for that.

Q. Tune of the night?
A. There's No Time by Fur Coat. Always a favourite of mine.

Q. Stone cold sober or absolutely fucking terminated?
A. We had been out since midday, so the latter.

Q. Any funny anecdotes from the night?
A. Our mate, Curt, went missing and was found talking to himself in the corner.

Q. What time did you leave the club?
A. As the lights came on, of course.

Q. Will you and your mates be going along to any of the other Weeks of Techno that Scuba is putting on?
A. Will have to have a look to see when we can get back down!

What a lovely young man!

However, I'm sorry to say that my praying has done fuck all, and I'm still sat here on Pancake Night with only the prospect of some more pancakes, a bit of EastEnders and maybe one more cup of tea before bed. No time-travelling raves for me. Still, at least this proves that THERE IS NO GOD, and I still have this coming Saturday night to look forward to. I'll be signing copies of this blog on the dance floor of XOYO for Scuba's 6th Week of Techno with Alan Fitzgerald and Paul Woolford (information here) from opening time until chucking out time.