Seventh Week of Techno February 19, 2016 09:46

Tomorrow night sees the carnival of dance music that is the 12 Weeks of Techno Scuba residency dance music carnival roll back in through the doors of XOYO in London at exactly twenty one hundred hours army time (21:00 aka 9pm GMT).


Striding down the red carpet and into the venue for the star-studded bash behind Scuba will be Mind Against, Veronica Vasicka, Marcelo Tag, Shizo and Lenka, who'll be joining Shizo and Marcelo Tag in Room 2 for We Play The Music We Love whilst Veronica Vasicka and Mind Against keep Scuba company downstairs until chucking out time.

I'm unable to make the event due to the distance restrictions legally imposed between me and one of the attending artists, but I will be sending my friends; those fucking bellends the Fashion Police from E! who will be keeping a close eye on Scuba and the gang and, trust me, they will be breaking down the XOYO red carpet style for me in private on Sunday afternoon in the bitchiest and most hilarious way imaginable.

On Monday morning, the Fashion Police will be joining me on the Hotflush sofa and they will not be pulling their punches at what they had to gawp at on Saturday night. Things are going to get wild. We've got that funny-looking skinny fucker who looks like a drawn-on used earhole cotton bud, that fat cunt with the shit hair who has a go at famous people for wearing what they want to wear, someone out of Joan Rivers and this fucking monstrosity:

So, 12 Weeks of Techno boys and girls, think about what you're wearing on Saturday night. Make some effort, because those black t-shirts are wearing thin and we will call you out on Monday morning. Dress. To. Impress. Bitches.

Everyone else: HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND.