Alive 2017 January 03, 2017 10:20


Here is a list of people who didn't die in 2016...but should have done.

Katie Hopkins

This daft cunt Retweets Nazis, writes weird stuff for the Daily Mail AND she told Alan Sugar to stick his job up his arse in 2006. I do, however, like her choppy new hairstyle. It suits her prickly, media-savvy personality like one of Adolf Hitler's gloves, so maybe she shouldn't die. Let's just stick her in a room with Justin Lee Collins when he's in a bad mood. What do you say, Dacre?


This fucking idiot got himself into a disastrous rut last year by disastrously agreeing to write a disastrous DAILY blog for Scuba. The secretive, no-face bellend came unstuck by about 26 May when he completely ran out of puff, got happily distracted and started recycling old WRDM posts on a bi-daily basis. He needs to stop thinking he can string out a daily blog on top of a weekly 1000 words for Ran$om Note, a monthly pub quiz and a re-vamped Weekly Review of Dance Music.

The bloke who does Asking For A Friend on Ran$om Note

This mental, middle-aged loonatic needs to die because if he doesn't, the whole world will end up dying...of laughter at his rib-smashing funny photos and their out-there captions/questions/things! LOLoutLOUD.

Ken Dodd

In 2016, I twice mistakenly posted a photo on Facebook of Ken Dodd with the caption, R.I.P. Ken Dodd, so I'd like him to die so that I can do a third time lucky type thing and finally get something right on social media.

Queen Elizabeth II

Ivan Smagghe and I spent a good half an hour in Betfred on Christmas Day, ripping open our Christmas cards and filtering all of the cash out of them into the bookie's, fingerless-gloved hands. Ivan received more vouchers than cash, but we'd agreed on Christmas Eve to go fifty-fifty, and I'm an honourable man. £270 (£210 of it, mine) went to Betfred on good odds that HRH would become a corpse before midnight 31 December 2016. Did she die? Did she fuck. The rich old water lizard and her water lizard family are still holed up in that massive palace that WE have all been hypnotised into paying for. I do hope she dies soon, but then I'll have to start hoping for King Charles III to die and all, and I don't think I can be fucked with wishing people dead any more. I'm knackered. Sigh.

More dance news tomorrow...