BACK IN FIVE MINUTES November 16, 2016 09:30

I'm just popping out to the shops. Do you want anything? No? Good, because I'm a bit strapped for cash. I've spent most of my money on these 2017 Dead Celebrity Hunks and Babes of 2016 Calendars, and I'm struggling to recuperate my outlay on them. I'm not a natural cunt, you see. If I was one of them Apprentice cunts, I'd have cleared the lot by now and be all over the re-up.

Contact me if you want to buy one. Please contact me.

Right. I'm going to put my shoes on and fuck off to the shops now. Hmm, I'd better put a coat on, too, ladies and gentlemen, its a bit nippy out. Crumbs! I nearly forgot my wallet! I need a new copy of that new Or:la EP, UK Lonely, because I've over-played the MP3s I bought on Monday, and they're all scratched and warped. It sounds like a fucking Pan Sonic EP now.

When I come back from the shops I'll be advertising the next Tonka's Pub Quiz. It's at Pepper's Ghost in Leyton on Wednesday 7 December, and it's a CHRISTMAS SPECIAL, where you can win a £50 bar tab, a £50 Phonica Records voucher and a signed photograph of Scuba. As I said, I'll plug that when I get back from the shops.

Poor me, poor me, pour me another bowl of beer and let me escape this fucked up fake reality so that I may be free from...err. Isn't dance music brilliant?!

See you tomorrow, gang! ;-0