CHRISTMAS COUNTDOWN - NUMBER 5 December 19, 2016 09:30

Hi everyone. It is 10% Christmas now, isn't it? It's less than a week away and I feel like I'm all sorted. I've written my letter to Father Christmas, I've bought a load of Pringles, I've had a wank over It's A Wonderful Life, I've had a cry over Anal University 4: Christmas on Campus and I've filled three hundred stockings full of satsumas and shiny new pennies for the orphanage down the road.

Hang on a minute, I think I got that It's a Wonderful Life/Anal University thing the wrong way round. Sorry.

As it's the last week before Christmas, I'm wearing a funny jumper in the Hotflush HQ all week, not putting any effort in to do any work and I'm counting down the Top 5 Christmas songs of all time - whilst it's still relevant to do so.

Look. Here's number 5:

Mud - Lonely This Christmas

Great British glam rockers, Mud, take on the Elvis Presley classic in the style of the man himself (Elvis). Lonely This Christmas was the first UK Christmas number one by a glam rock band with a drab name, and their appearance on the 1974 seasonal edition of Top of the Pops is notable for the half-a-second shot of Jimmy Savile slyly zipping up the fly on his tracksuit trousers before introducing Mud as, “the dirtiest band in the world.”

I like Lonely This Christmas by Mud because it evokes memories of being really glad that I wasn’t lonely at Christmas as a kid. Even as a grown up I’ve never been lonely at Christmas and I know for a FACT that I never will be. I might be cold at Christmas, but I’ll never be lonely, so stick that up your arse, Nicky Chinn, you four-eyed Bo Selector looking shit house, you. Fuck off.

See you tomorrow for the forth best Christmas song on record.