Hotflush Classic Tonka Mini November 29, 2016 09:30

If you think I'm bothering with putting any more effort into writing this blog for the next month, you've got another thing coming, lads.

- Why, Tonka?

- Well, I went to the Argos in Beckton last night to collect a Nintendo Classic Mini.

- Beckton? You famously commute to Berlin every day from Northolt, don't you, Tonka?

- I do, mate, yes, but yesterday afternoon I had to fly back to Northolt via Beckton on the DLR, alighting at Canning Town. I had to get to a retail park in Beckton for that console.

- So, you flew business class to a retail park in Beckton for a Nintendo Classic Mini? Tonks, are you a bit fucking simple?

- I am, mate, yes.

- I thought they were all sold out, to be honest, Tonka.

- They are if you're not a sad cunt who spends all afternoon refreshing Argos stock locator web pages until one becomes available in a shit-hole area of London you would never, ever go anywhere near in a million years except to pick up a Nintendo Classic Mini.

Yes, I was up all last night playing with my new Nintendo Classic Mini. It's WAY better than dance music, so I'm just going to write about my brand new Nintendo Classic Mini today. It's got thirty games pre-loaded, including Super Mario 1, Super Mario 2, Super Mario 3, Super Mario 4, Super Mario 5, Super Mario 6, Super Mario 7, Metroid, Donkey Kong, Super Mario 8, Super Mario 9, Super Mario 10, Super Mario 11, Punch Out, Legend of Zelda 1, Legend of Zelda 2, Super Mario 12, Super Mario 13, Legend of Zelda 3, Castlevania, Double Dragon 1, Double Dragon 2, Double Dragon 3, Double Dragon 4, Super Mario 14, Super Mario 15, Super Mario 16, Super Mario 17, Super Mario 18, Super Mario 19, Super Mario 20, Super Mario 21, Super Mario 22, Super Mario 23, Ice Climber, Mega Man 1, Mega Man 2, Mega Man 3, Mega Man 4, Legend of Zelda 4, Legend of Zelda 5, Galaga, Dr. Mario, Fester's Quest, Rygar and Grand Theft Auto 8 in glorious 4k VR and Dolby Surround Sound!

Hang on a minute, I've just double-checked the list on the side of this box and Rygar ISN'T included! It was the best fucking game on the NES by a mile! I used to play it with my sister when I was a, oh fuck it. This post is getting boring now.

I'm going to have one last wank over the bird in Zelda, clock Ninja Gaiden again and go to bed. Only, I've been up all night playing on my new Nintendo Classic Mini and I need some sleep so I can play with my Nintendo Classic Mini again tonight.