Score August 15, 2016 11:17

What a weekend, ladies and gentlemen. What a weekend! After last weekend's trip to Club Fabrics to see Scuba rock da house with a few hours of non-stop techno records (one after another, for literally hours), I took a break from doing loads of drugs in a nightclub on a Sunday morning and did some drugs on a Saturday afternoon in a football stadium. Crystal Palace sounds a bit like crystal meth, so I bought tickets to see Crystal Palace v West Bromwich Albion *chuckles*

Before arriving at the stadium, I went to Balham to buy some drugs (not crystal meth) from Ragdoll. "Here's fifty pounds, Ragdoll", I said with a smile. "Here's a gram of mandy, Tonks", he replied with that inimitable South African drawl that makes him sound arrogant and like he fucking hates you, but he's just being himself and a bit South African. He's alright, Ragdoll. I set off for Selhurst Park with a skip, a jump and a little plastic bag full of drugs tucked safely between my balls and my arsehole.

On the fifteen minutes walk from Selhurst station to the stadium, I took a couple of dabs. By the time I'd got in and bought a hot dog, I was nicely coming up. I then had a two and a half hour conversation with a teenage steward with severe learning difficulties who was selling programmes and missed the entire game! LOLoutLOUD

Thankfully, West Brom won the game 0-1, so I was even more ecstatic - it really gave me a lift to see all the smiling, Black Country faces. I'm sure I saw Adrian Chiles, too, but it may have been an hallucination. I left Selhurst Park with about a quarter of the bag left and boshed the rest at Victoria Station. I went back to Northolt, opened a massive bottle of vino and drank the lot whilst buzzing my face inside out and listening to Scuba's DJ Kicks CD (available to buy HERE).