From Behind October 11, 2016 09:30

After failing miserably to get memes like THIS go viral on yesterday's post...

...I started crying into my chilli con carne. Tears trickled down my face cheeks as I wolfed down mouthfuls of rice, kidney beans and mincemeat. I hadn't eaten all day and I was ravenous. I began to howl - like a raven. Cough-cough-coughing and spluttering as all sense of control left me, tears still trickled down my face cheeks, but they were now being splashed all over the kitchen table as my body rocked and shook to the beat of my own heart. Mine own heavy heart; weighed down by a day of futile expectation that at least ONE of my dance memes would be shared by more than one person on Facebook or Liked by more than just one of my few rabid fans on Twitter.

Alas, nobody likes a dance meme.

What people LOVE are innocent pictures of fully-clothed people that make them look like they're having anal sex. LOLoutLOUD. I know I do. So, when I was stood on the platform at Northolt station yesterday morning and looked at a few of those boring Tweets by people droning on about Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton, I happened upon a Vine of Trump stalking Clinton like a playa, and there's a bit where he closes his eyes like an even bigger playa, so I paused it, screen-grabbed it and sent it to Viz for their Up The Arse Corner bit.

About twelve hours later, whilst I was crying into my dinner about dance memes, they Retweeted it, shared it on Facebook and - at the time of writing - it's been Retweeted/Liked LOADS more, harvested 2.2k reactions on Facebook and has been shared 722 times. Honestly, ladies and gentlemen, I felt like Kanye fucking West last night. I was up and down like a bride's nightie. A roller coaster on online emotion.

It's great having a bit of positive feedback from strangers on the internet, but unfortunately, amidst all of the commotion, my Triangulation Sweater (white on grey) is now ruined. We didn't have any Vanish in the house, and there's tears, snot and chilli con carne all down the front of it.

If you want to buy me a new Hotflush sweater, go to THIS section of THIS website HERE, NOW.